She was sweeter and more affectionate when she was heavier

by Ilaria Lonigro - 2017.07.24
She was sweeter and more affectionate when she was heavier
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They keep losing weight to the point of becoming unrecognizable. Not physically, personality-wise. After having lost tons of weight, the ex-obese can become, simply put, obnoxious. Totally self-absorbed, focusing on how thin they have become, and how they are more beautiful than ever. Quite frankly, this the best recipe for their losing friends and feeling more isolated than when they were so insecure about their weight they avoided all social contact whatsoever.

This is precisely what happened to my best friend. Who after losing as much as 30 or more kilos, went from being the sweet, empathetic, generous girl that she was, to a selfish monster for a few months, transforming herself into a totally egocentric person: always on the run and annoyingly euphoric (“my Pilates class, my diet, my amorous adventure, my new dress”….). Seasoned with a totally shocking disinterest in anyone else. Thus, it goes without saying that I distanced myself for a while. Luckily, as can happen to anyone, it proved to be only a phase. And she went back to being her same old self, and my best friend. Only thinner.

“After an important weight loss, these people cannot imagine not being the center of attention and right in the middle of everything. They have a profound need to be recognized as a “new people” altogether. In fact, it often happens that while in their company, they completely monopolize the evening with brilliant quips in an attempt to seduce their audience, from which they are constantly seeking confirmation, and, thus, needing to show off what they believe to be their best image” explains to West Graziana De Palma, psychologist and psychotherapeutic specialist in pathological addictions such as dependency on food or obsessive working-out. Who after years of working on body image issues has come to the conclusion that: “this need to always be in the limelight is a result of a profound sense of existential insecurity that forces these individuals to crave attention obsessively. It seems as if the individual in his/her intimate relationship with him/herself, continues to not really like himself/herself and to lack self-confidence. Because, underneath it all, these people do not know themselves well and they feel a sense of guilt at having been obese for so long, until their recent transformation. So, to compensate for this sense of insecurity, that stays with them despite their having lost the weight, they want to be desired and to win over others, at all costs. And, in this way, convincing themselves of their worth”. Conclusion: to not lose friends while you shed your extra kilograms, eat less and talk more to a psychologist.

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